Magikarp

Contrary to its name, there is nothing magical about Magikarp. Just open your Pokédex and it will tell you that Magikarp is an underpowered, unreliable, weak, virtually worthless pathetic excuse for a Pokémon. Sounds harsh, right? And this description is coming from the Pokédex which I always thought was supposed to be unbiased. Well, apart from its trophy for ‘World’s Weakest Pokémon’ Magikarp has only one other possession: the ability to Splash. I write Splash with a capital letter to indicate that it is an attack, but we all know that Splash doesn’t really fall into that category. It’s not even a defending move; it literally does nothing. 

Okay, enough with pointing out the obvious. Let’s see if there are actually any reasons you would want to own a Magikarp. For starters, Magikarp can withstand living in very polluted water, so if you kept one as a pet you wouldn’t have to clean the tank very often. They also might come in handy if you ever needed to have a Pokémon that could jump incredibly high (by using Splash, of course). In fact, Magikarp can actually jump over mountains with this move*. But we all know the real reason we frequently see fisherman throwing flailing Magikarp into battle for them to be slaughtered one by one: they are patiently waiting for them to evolve.

Anyway, if you get sick of the sight of your Magikarp, just tell it to use Splash to jump in and out of the water for a while and pretty soon you’ll have made a hungry Pidgeotto very happy.

*as long as the Mountain in question is less than 7 feet high